Why Is It So Difficult to Ask For Help?

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My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:2 

This week, I accomplished a huge task! I finished my back patio that I have been working on for months. It was actually my quarantine project…that had been extended and extended out again. While, for various reasons, it has taken me longer to complete than I wanted, I am so proud of myself for accomplishing it!!

Truthfully, I had several people offer to help but I just never felt comfortable asking, or in my mind begging someone to help me. When a friend volunteered to help me I was elated. But the project only got half done and not the way I had originally wanted it to and I felt a little abandoned by my help. So instead of feeling grateful for the help, I felt abandoned and frustrated, even though it was not their project it was mine! And I was fully capable of doing the patio on my own and I was the one who needed to take the ownership in finishing it!

How many of us have felt like this? Do you get mad at other people when they help you out but it may not have been the way you wanted? I am sure if you think back everyone (especially women) have fallen victim to this. Have you ever done this to God? Perhaps you prayed a prayer and it was answered….but not how you thought it would be and thought gee thanks God. Or have you been given a blessing but it is not on the timeline you thought it should be on, so to you it doesn’t feel like it is a blessing? The great thing about God our Father, is that He knows what we need, when we need it and does not back down when we get a little butt hurt at His timing (or seemingly lack there of). God never abandons us and we are never alone! Isaiah 41:10 states: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”

Community Makes Us Stronger

While God is always with us, that does not mean that we are meant to be alone and only rely on God. We need to have community and we need to ask for help from others. My patio project could have gone so much smoother and would’ve been done so much faster if I had hung up my pride and asked for help. I have so many friends who would have given up a weekend to help me out no questions asked! But I never asked… I never put myself out there. This is my fault for feeling like I might be turned down and for not trusting in the community around me.

As mom’s, especially if you are a single mom *raises a hand* we can feel that we have to do everything by ourselves or we aren’t as strong as we think we are (or as society tells us we should be)! This is a lie the devil tells us! We need help. I want you to read that again…it is ok for you to need help because we ALL need sometimes help! We need help with our kids. We need help with our feelings. We need help to fix our houses… Some jobs are just two man (or woman) jobs, no matter who the person is trying to get it done. God made us a species in need of community. Hebrews 10:24-25 says: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.”

Pride Kills

We live in a society where women are supposed to be equal to men. We have the same jobs, we share the same roles in the home and many times we are fathers to our children as well. We are told that we are strong enough to do anything and we are! But we were not meant to do it alone. Society has fueled this lie that we all tell ourselves…WE CAN DO IT…alone! We are a people of community and we are better together. We have to hang up our pride hats and not only ask for help but accept it when it is offered. Do you ever brush aside another mom when she offers to help because you think, “oh she was just being nice?” Or anyone who offers to help because you think they may just be taking pity on you? Did you know that some people’s Love Language may be acts of service and they truly want to do something for you and you are not giving them the opportunity? So take a moment to put aside your pride and let someone who is offering to help, help you!

Put Aside Stubbornness

Don’t be stubborn! Ask for help! During most of my project I had help. However, I became stubborn and refused to ask for more help,p even when I knew I had many people who were willing to help me for nothing! Again, my pride and stubbornness stepped in the way and made a project draw out for way longer than it should have! Luckily God gives us so much grace when we admit that we were wrong: “Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’” (James 4:6).

I know for me, I sometimes don’t even know that I am being stubborn until I look back at a situation. It is something that I personally need to work on and pray for. For me, this looks like being aware of a situation and my own capabilities. Also my own wants. Many times I just do not want to tackle something myself and so I don’t ever do it. In this case, I should simply reach out and ask for help. The worse that could happen is no one will help me and it doesn’t get done or I break down and do it by myself. There is nothing lost here!

Devotional Exercise

What is one thing right now you could use help with? This can be something big or small and can be something you are totally capable of mastering yourself but a little help wouldn’t be bad? Think of things like cleaning out a closet, or organizing the craft room, creating a bunch of freezer meals…maybe it is a big yard project!

Who can help you with this? Maybe it’s your kids or your husband? How about some girlfriends? It can even be a way to meet new people…you could post on your church’s Facebook page if that’s allowed!

What are you going to give/get out of this…if anything? Many times volunteers come no strings attached but I am a giver and I need to give something to those that help me! Fudge, cookies or a 6 pack of beer tend to be my go to’s depending on who has helped me! But maybe you share some of the meals you prep. If it is your husband or kids that help you maybe its ice cream or a date night of their choosing? Next I want you to focus on how someone helping you is benefiting you. On a hard project like my patio really my body was put through a lot so maybe having someone stronger than you will make you less tired. Maybe organizing things stresses you out so having someone help you with that eases your stress. Maybe it is as simple as spending that time together with your family instead of apart?

Now I want you pray about this! First thank God that he has given you the ability to do things by yourself. Then thank Him that He has also given you community so you don’t have to take on this burden even though you can! If asking for help is hard for you you can even add something to your prayer about God giving you the strength and the words that you need! Next I want you to pray for the project that God’s hands are upon it…we should allow God even into the simplest of folding laundry tasks in our lives!

I hope that you find comfort in the community around you and that it strengthens and lifts you up!

Blessings,

KARA

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4 thoughts on “Why Is It So Difficult to Ask For Help?

  1. Kingsking

    Great post. This is a really awesome post, when i saw the topic, it got me thinking. It is really interesting, pride indeed kills. Most people will be dying in silence and can’t even ask for help because of pride. They feel that people will laugh at me, or that the other person is in a different class so why should i ask for help? Most people have suffered a lot because of pride, and some people are just so stubborn, they can’t even listen to other’s advice.  They feel too big or feel that they are above it all.  I hope many people will see this post!  Thanks  

    Reply
  2. Payton

    You know, just as much as we are prone to shy away from asking for help, we can also shy away from treating a topic as serious as this one. I like that you can talk about this because I am also the type who is not usually always contented with what others do for me. Most times, I just prefer to do it myself. I do not think however that it is pride. I should change though because in truth, community makes us stronger. A good article worth sharing.

    Reply
    1. Kara Post author

      Payton,

      It may not always be pride that keeps us from asking for help!  Fear or stubbornness may play a role as well.  For you it may be fear that others will not perform as well as you do…this would create more work for you and probably a headache!  It is totally understandable…I would challenge you to ask others to help you and perhaps coach them along.  For instance if you have kids, teach them to fold clothes alongside you so that it is a learnign expereince for them and you are getting some help! 

      Blessings,

      KARA   

      Reply
  3. Juma John Jongu

    Very important topic to consider, I used to be very shy to talk to any body outside our family. I am glad you brought this up and talk about it. As I mentioned earlier, I am also the kind of person who may not ask questions easily; I only ask questions when I am stuck with something and can’t move on. I just like to figure things out by myself. I do not think however that it is pride; it is just being shy as that was my childhood habit. I should change though because in truth, community makes us stronger. Thank you again for coming up with this topic.

    Juma

    Reply

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